


1,795

by orphan_account



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Compliant, Character Death, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Oma Kokichi Being Oma Kokichi, Oma Kokichi Needs a Hug, POV Saihara Shuichi, Pre-Game Oma Kokichi, Translation, VRAU, all relationships are hinted other than saiouma, most are just mentioned, the entire cast is here, virtual reality au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:22:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26637277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "Then why? Why did it hurt so much to lose someone he had met in such a short time?  Why couldn’t the tears just stop? And most of all, why, of all people, Kokichi Ouma knocked at his door late at night and now was sitting in his bed, comforting him as if they were longtime friends?"Or; the six years that Shuichi will never forget.
Relationships: Akamatsu Kaede/Amami Rantaro, Harukawa Maki/Momota Kaito, Iruma Miu/K1-B0, Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 5
Kudos: 49





	1,795

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is a translated work! i'm the original author, but unfortunately my account was banned for no reason on the site i used, so now i decided to translate my works and put them here! i used google translate and then reread it, fixing all the mistakes i could find. i'm sorry if i didn't see one.
> 
> btw this is just the prologue so you guys know how their relationship worked during the game, all the other chapters will be postgame

Shuichi lived his entire life feeling guilt.

In fact, ever since his parents paid him no more attention and left him with his uncle. He felt that the blame for this had been entirely and exclusively his own. Not being a good son, perhaps? Or the hassle of always having to take a child to different countries, too, dragging him from flight to flight, from city to city, from school to school. Regardless, his parents had left him in the custody of his uncle and, whatever mistake he did as their son, he wouldn’t do it again. His uncle was welcoming him into his home, even though he had never met him before, so Shuichi would be grateful to show his gratitude by doing his best not to bother him.

This feeling only intensified when he realized that even though he had never lived with his uncle before and didn’t know what his lifestyle was like, he had grown more tired. Now he had a nephew to look after, so the work would have to be doubled. Even with his uncle always saying that he liked having a child on his home for always being alone before, he knew it was bothering him, if only for a bit. So, as soon as he had the chance, he began to help his uncle solve small cases such as the disappearance of pets. It didn’t seem to do much, but both of them were happy, and Shuichi's chest filled with a warm feeling when he saw the look of pride on his uncle's face when he found the neighbor's lost kitten without his help for the first time.

That's why, as much as his parents wanted him to pursue their careers as an actor, he began to strive to become a detective. He would help his uncle as much as possible so he wouldn’t be that much of a bother as he had been before.

But the guilt only increased more when he found a crucial clue that the police hadn’t found and unintentionally solved a murder case being only twelve years old. It turns out that the killer had killed a person who made their entire family commit suicide, and they had done it for justice. The look they gave him that night was something that Shuichi could never forget, and since then he has been afraid to solve cases. No, not to solve cases... but to find the truth.

Being kidnapped and forced into a killing game was definitely a shock and, even if it was a horrible situation, Shuichi was extremely grateful to meet Kaede. She was kind, charismatic, and had a sense of absurd justice, which he didn’t have. And it was her that made him realize that if he was afraid to find the truth, he would never be able to get out of there.

Her death, surprisingly, didn’t increase his guilt, but his sadness.

To think that his pillar of support had just collapsed in front of him made a sense of dread within him. It was only a few days, and all that had happened. It was all so fast that his mind was still processing. There was no one else to support him in a reality as cold as that, and that was scary. Everything here was scary. The first person he had trusted in this place had simply disappeared in front of his eyes, and he couldn’t do anything about it. Even though she wasn’t an angel, a perfect being as he had thought she was, losing her was... unbelievable.

But even so, he didn’t blame himself. She had encouraged him herself. She herself admitted her mistakes before her death. And above all, he made her a promise, which he intended to keep.

Then why? Why did it hurt so much to lose someone he had met in such a short time? Why couldn’t the tears just stop? And most of all, why, of all people, Kokichi Ouma knocked at his door late at night and now was sitting in his bed, comforting him as if they were longtime friends?

The only sound in the room was his own sobbing. Kokichi just kept surprisingly silent, running his hand down his back in a comforting circular motion. Shuichi was tempted to simply spit it all out, say what made him feel that way, but the words wouldn’t come out. The smaller boy seemed to understand this and just kept quiet, letting Shuichi take his time to calm down.

Initially, Kokichi had entered his room to apparently annoy him, but he closed his mouth as soon as he saw his condition. He wasn’t doing much besides the movement on his back, but even so, the presence of someone was enough for Shuichi. Without even realizing it, he laid his head on Kokichi's shoulder, but neither of them flinched away, and the taller boy was grateful for it.

He sniffled one last time, wiping the still wet tears from his face, before lifting his head and looking down at his side. “Thank you, Ouma-kun," his voice was weak, but he continued. "I needed that."

This seemed to have turned on a switch on Kokichi, who immediately removed his hand from his back and placed both behind his head, now grinning. “Nishishi~ you’re welcome, but who said I did that for free?" he said. “Now you owe me, Saihara-chan. Get ready, ‘cause I'll come back to get my prize later. "

"A-Ah, what?" Shuichi retreated, looking surprised at the smaller boy, who just took his hand from behind his head and brought a finger to his lips.

“That's right. Or, of course, I can always get something interesting for both of us!” the grin, once innocent and childish, became a smirk in seconds.

"...what would it be?" Shuichi asked hesitantly, expecting something absurd from the other.

"Your life, of course!" Shuichi choked on air, making Kokichi giggle. "It's a lie, I wouldn’t take the life of my beloved Saihara-chan! I'd rather leave him alive for him to suffer more, like the emo he is.”

“Ah, um..." not knowing what to say, Shuichi just dropped the subject. Kokichi was a mystery to him, definitely. A puzzle of millions of pieces, which Shuichi felt like unraveling. His childish attitude was irritating, however, and the urge to unravel the mystery always struggled against the urge to stay at least five feet away from him. Kokichi seemed, by far, to be an irritating and apathetic person who wouldn’t mind seeing someone feeling down. At least, it seemed so at first glance. But now that he came into his room and comforted him...

"Jeez, Saihara-chan. Ignoring me like that,” the smaller one said, interrupting the other's line of thoughts, a bored expression on his face. “The last part was a lie, just to make it clear. The part of taking your life wasn’t.” grinned mischievously again. The way he quickly changed his expressions scared Shuichi.

“Oh, sorry, I was just thinking," he said, watching Kokichi tilt his head slightly as if he were asking 'thinking about what?' "It's just, it's kind of... how can I say it? Uh... strange that you came here. And comfort me.”

“Actually, I came here to mock you for the loss of your girlfriend," he said returning with his bored expression, looking at his nails. “I hate being around Saihara-chan. He is the most boring person here."

"If you say so..." he muttered, reaching for the top of his head, trying to lower a cap that was no longer there. Before he had his emotional break, he was ready to go to sleep, so he had already taken off his attachment.

“I lied again! God, Saihara-chan, you have to stop taking everything I mean seriously. Because I'm a liar,” he grinned. Moments after that, a kind of bell-like alarm echoed through the speakers, showing an image of the Monokubs on the monitors, announcing the night time. As the message ended, Kokichi stood up, stretching himself as if he'd been sitting there for hours. “Well, my time has come! See ya, Saihara-chan!” he said, already skipping his way to the door.

Shuichi stared at the smaller boy's back, still processing the purple haired visitor in his room. He shook his head, searching for the words quickly in his mind, before catching Kokichi's attention, who turned as soon as he heard the other calling out his name. "Ah... you..." he lost his words, briefly panicking. The purple haired boy raised one eyebrow, one of his hands on the knob, just waiting for him to say it. "...can you come here tomorrow, again?" Shuichi asked before he could even understand what he was saying.

Kokichi's eyes widened slightly, looking surprised and, for what seemed to be the first time, showing something genuine. The moment passed quickly, however, as the small boy grinned from ear to ear. “Of course, my beloved!~"

And thus, he left the room with the promise that he would come back the next night.

.

Talking to Kokichi was, surprisingly, not as annoying as he thought it was. Of course, some of his jokes went overboard, but Shuichi was gradually learning to play the game together with him. It wasn’t that hard, especially when he already was in his room a few hours ago, waiting until the night time to come back to his own room. Just a few hours had passed compared to the days that they were stuck on this killing game, but even so, he felt that talking to Kokichi would become a habit. A routine. And this idea didn’t bother him at all.

His personality, thoughts, goals, all about him was still a mystery, and even after talking to him for long and getting used to his antics, he still couldn’t understand what he was thinking, nor what he was feeling. And he felt he was far from understanding. But one thing he had noticed was that his lies had a pattern. He still couldn’t identify specifically how it was, but he felt that he was doing progress with these thoughts, so he was on the right track.

And even with this pattern, it was as if Kokichi was reading his thoughts, and slightly changing that pattern so that Shuichi couldn’t find out. It confused him. At the same time that he could follow his lies, he could not. It was a strange sensation, a kind of adrenaline. It was no longer solving a mystery, but solving a human being. It made him shiver. A strange, yet good feeling. He wanted to get closer to Kokichi even more, unravel him. No... he wanted to be his friend. A seemingly impossible mission, but he couldn’t help questioning himself.

The stories he told when he asked any kind of question — especially personal ones — were simply absurd. Anyone, whether stuck here or not, would be irritated by such unbelievable lies. Shuichi admits that, at first, he was annoyed too, but gradually everything that annoyed him about the smaller boy intrigued him more. They marveled more. They pulled him closer, spurring his curiosity on the smaller boy. It’s like a spell, enchanting him to get closer to him.

Ah. This is weird. He never thought a few hours of talk could change his opinion of anyone. At least not in such a short time, especially with someone like Kokichi. But he couldn’t deny that he was definitely a curious person, and to tell be honest, from the moment he said he was a liar, Shuichi felt compelled to learn more about him. He wasn’t the biggest fan of liars — especially the pathological ones — but he could make a small exception for the smaller boy.

Besides, his company was comforting in away. When he talks to him, it’s as if all his worries are gone. So much so that for a moment — or rather, every time they talked —he had forgotten where they were. His boredom vanished in a few moments, and collaborating with his playfulness was fun. Kokichi was like medicine or something. Feeling that way about someone who had barely started talking to him made him uncomfortable in some way, but the discomfort was forgotten in seconds every time Kokichi was being himself.

Shuichi didn’t know if he feared or not the desire he had to keep talking to the smaller boy.

That is until Kaito rang the bell and called Shuichi out of the dorms, and Kokichi was forced to return to his room at night. Both, in a silent agreement, agreed to meet after training the following night.

.

Their relationship was relatively close to friendship, but Shuichi couldn't be completely sure about that. Kokichi never gave a verbal confirmation that they were friends, except, of course, the playful flirts he always played on him. He even considered whether the flirts were real or not, but he quickly dismissed the idea. He probably flirted with everyone the same way, so it wouldn't be possible.

However, even though it was just one night that Kokichi spent in his room, Shuichi couldn't help wanting his company again. He liked to talk to the short boy, and he liked his games too. So today, he finally decided to spend his free time in the boy's company, surprising even himself. Kokichi seemed surprised that Shuichi wanted to spend his free time with him. At least, that was what he had managed to identify by the expression of the purplenette, before returning to his playful persona. It was already more progress.

In his entire life, Shuichi had gone only a few times to the pool. It was not something he used to do, either as a child or when he moved in with his uncle. So when Kokichi suggested that they both spend their free time in the pool that had recently been opened, Shuichi was surprised when he accepted the offer. It didn't hurt to try to relax, did it?

Kokichi, as always, played with anything that popped into his mind. Making Shuichi chase him at the edges of the pool after almost pushing him into the water, for example, was one of them. The smaller boy seemed to enjoy being chased, for some reason, and Shuichi couldn't complain, much less be angry for a long time when he saw a childish smile on his colleague's face.

The loud laughter of the smaller echoed around the place, while he ran around the edges of the pool without stopping, leaving even the slightest chance for Shuichi to catch up. Kokichi was way faster than he imagined. In a short time, more or less two turns, he was already panting, leaning on his knees. Out of the corner of his vision, he could see Kokichi stop running, looking at him with little giggles.

"Nishishi ~ if you want to catch me, you're going to have to be faster than that, Saihara-chan!" were the last words he said as he approached before his body was pushed into the water.

Both fell into the pool with a high _SPLASH!_ , creating a partially large wave.

"How dare you, Saihara-chan?!" he heard Kokichi's breathless voice, seeing his head emerging from the water. Unable to help himself, he started to laugh, which made the other boy look offended. "Don't laugh at your supreme leader, this is serious!" he said, lifting his nose to emphasize his sentence, but soon broke into laughter as well.

"S-Sorry, Ouma-kun, I couldn't help myself," he said as soon as he managed to stop laughing, leaning on the edges of the pool.

"I don't forgive you." Shuichi looked up, saying a "what?" Before being attacked by unforgivable water waves. Somewhat stunned, he covered his eyes in a failed attempt to stop the water from hitting him, letting his body float in the water using his legs.

“O-Ouma-kun, wait a minute! Ack! ” he felt chlorine water entering his mouth and, without taking any more of the merciless attacks, decided to counterattack, making waves with his hands.

Suddenly, Kokichi got underwater. Shuichi looked up confused when he realized that all the movement had stopped, without realizing that the smaller was just below him, until, without any warning, the purplenette emerged in front of him, hugging his body tightly.

"Caught you!" announced Kokichi, wrapping his hands around his neck. "Now you will be my prisoner for the rest of your life," he said, a smile with his teeth on his face. Shuichi felt his face heat up from the proximity.

"Oh, no, what am I going to do now?" he decided to play along, feeling the chest of the smaller rattle when he laughed. "What will Ouma-kun do to me?”

"Nishishi ~ do you really want to know?" Kokichi pulled away slightly, still hugging Shuichi's neck, and looked into his eyes. He felt his face heat up even more from eye contact. The childish smile changed to a mischievous one, to which the purplenette finally let go of him. "Just kidding! Nishishi, what did you think I was going to do, Saihara-chan? ”

Shuichi continued to stare, still not able to react, at Kokichi. For a second, his mind had been filled with intrusive thoughts. He could still feel the sudden human contact and the warmth it made him feel, and, realizing how much he was missing something like that, he pondered how long he hadn't been so close to anyone. In that little moment, he realized that he was hungry for the human touch. A loving touch, which he had never felt from his parents, and which was never the same with his uncle.

He held his breath for a moment, then released it and swam close to Kokichi, who stopped giggling and just stared at him approaching. Without even realizing it, his own arms were wrapped around the small, thin body of the short boy, bringing him closer. His heart was racing, hammering in his chest. He didn't realize that his entire face was hot until he felt Kokichi's arms again around his neck, as well as his head lying on the curve of his neck. He realized that the purple haired boy was strangely quiet and silently thanked him for it.

He closed his eyes, letting himself relax in the embrace, and just as Kokichi laid his head on his neck. He inhaled, inhaling the scent of the smaller boy mixed with the chlorine in the water, but that didn't matter. Nothing else mattered. Not in the comfort of human touch, not with Kokichi's small body glued to his.

Shuichi raised his head, looking at the purplenette's calm face. He could feel both legs interlocking under the water, moving at a calm pace. Shuichi smiled softly, squeezing his arms slightly, trying to bring him impossibly closer. Kokichi opened his eyes slowly, turning his head slightly to look at him from the side. It seemed that everything at that moment was simply gone. Shuichi felt nervousness bubbling up in his stomach as he let his body run automatically, bringing his face closer to the other. Suddenly, the situation that was supposed to be friendly became romantic, as their lips touched.

He felt Kokichi catch his breath, then released it in surprise. The shorter man's back curved, arching towards his chest, where his hands were caught between Shuichi's wet hair. Seeing the purplenette again closing his eyes, he allowed himself to close his own too, savoring the moment. The other's lips were soft, neither too thin nor too thick; a perfect proportion. His hands unscrewed from each other and held Kokichi's thin waist, feeling how his body fit perfectly on his.

He tilted his head to the side, trying to intensify the kiss, but Kokichi pulled away. Both were panting, and Shuichi stopped at this moment to notice how beautiful the shorter was glued to his body. His cheeks were slightly flushed and his eyes were half-closed, lips separated for air in his lungs. Shuichi, as soon as he caught his breath, realized what he had just done and tried to swim away, but the purple haired boy held him there. The taller boy looked at him confused, until Kokichi smiled slightly, comforting him.

"It's okay," he whispered, before laying his head back on his neck.

.

"Why did you do that?"

Kokichi raised his head from his shoulder, confused. He didn't even seem to have noticed the position they were in. "What do you mean?" He asked.

"Ah, I mean" Shuichi rephrased the phrase in his head. "Why did you let me hold you?"

Encounters like what happened at the pool were not that unusual. Initially, it was strange and shameful to be in a position so close to the smaller, especially now that he recognized what he was doing without being guided by his body's will, but still. The one who initiated the contact was always Shuichi who, in silence and reluctantly, hugged Kokichi while they talked in his room - or even at random moments, as in his free time. But the purplenette never protested at any time. However, he also didn't agree, and that made Shuichi anxious. What if he didn't like the contact, but wasn't saying anything out of pity?

"Hmm," hummed, putting his hand on his chin like Shuichi did when he was thinking. "It's because I want to take advantage of you, duh." finally he replied, a childlike smile on his face.

"... don't lie, Ouma-kun." he sighed. He usually didn't care about the other's lies, but now he needed a serious answer.

"And who says I'm lying?" he said, still without breaking the hug. "I'm just waiting for you to let your guard down so I can betray you."

"..." he remained silent. If Kokichi didn't want to talk about it, there was no way to convince him otherwise.

It was comforting to have someone to hug you and maintain physical contact with you, but... He couldn't forget that kiss. He didn't have the courage to kiss him again, and since Kokichi didn't initiate contacts like that, they wouldn't kiss again for a while. The scene had disturbed him, in a way. Friends don't kiss, right? So why did it feel so normal at the time? And, mainly, why didn't Kokichi seem bothered by this? He couldn't say for sure that he wasn't uncomfortable, especially since Kokichi is a liar. But still...

"Hey, Saihara-chan" the smaller said, interrupting his thoughts. "You can kiss me again if you want."

Okay, he was definitely not expecting this.

He looked at him in surprise, moving slightly away from the hug, hoping it was just a bad joke, but Kokichi was expressionless. It brought chills down his spine, especially since the shorter one always had an expression on his face, no matter what it was. That same face without expressing any feelings was still a mystery to him. He didn't know if he used it as a defense mechanism, or when he didn't have an answer on the tip of his tongue - which was rare. Maybe... just maybe, he was just serious about it.

Kokichi, as if to prove that he was speaking the truth, shifted a little, placing one of his legs on top of Shuichi's leg, but still not climbing on his lap. The taller boy was nervous, looking at the other's face for any trace of lying, any trace of playfulness, but nothing was clear. Absolutely nothing. He didn't know how Kokichi felt about it, if he was doing it because he felt like it was an obligation or if he was doing it just because he wanted to.

His eyes went down to his pink lips, waiting patiently for Shuichi to start. It's not like he didn't want to kiss him again, he just had to make sure that everything was fine and that he wasn't forcing Kokichi to do that. But his mouth looked so inviting at the moment...

Shuichi made his decision and threw all his uncertainties into the air, kissing the other's lips for the second time.

.

Losing Kirumi didn't bring as much anguish as losing Kaede, but the feeling of guilt that he thought he had already forgotten came back really hard. He felt he could have done more, helped more. Perhaps if he had spent his free time with Ryoma, sitting and talking with him, he would make him realize that life was not just that and that he deserved to live, none of this would have happened. Maybe if he had talked to Kirumi, knew about her video, and convinced her that everything would be fine and that eventually, she would leave there alive with everyone, both of them would still be here.

And now, paranoia hit him. What if someone else was in trouble? What if someone else was thinking of killing and making another victim of that place? What if everything went wrong, what if the victim was himself, what if Kokichi was the victim?

...Kokichi?

Ah.

Since their second kiss, their intimacy has only grown. He was feeling more comfortable talking about his problems, although Kokichi still needed a little push. Of course, what he did with Gonta and the insects was not the funniest joke, but he wouldn't stop talking to him just for that.

In addition to all this, he seemed to be half-hearted about Kirumi's death. He claims he wouldn't mind if no one here died, and that everyone is just pawns for his own use, but Shuichi couldn't help but think that was a lie. Instinct, perhaps? His instincts were never to be trusted, but those were strong. Kokichi didn't seem to be the type of person who wouldn't care about someone's death, because, he never said even once that he had seen a body outside that place. Not that it contributed to anyone's apathy, but if all the conversations you've had with him - especially the first one - are a sign, then he is definitely not apathetic. Deep down, really deep, he cares about everyone. He knew that. At least, he hope so.

And apparently, he had made an enemy. Maki Harukawa, the Ultimate Assassin. The one who was invited to train by Kaito.

"Your neck is still a little red, Ouma-kun," he said after looking at Kokichi's neck, who, being pale, now had an ugly red mark.

"Tch, that bitch could've found a way to threaten me without making a mark on me, but noooo." he rolled his eyes. "She had to choke me until I almost passed out."

"...I don't think it's the smartest option to get into a fight with her, Ouma-kun" he said, moving away from the other's neck. “She is not at all bad. I talked to her at training today.”

Kokichi looked at him, his purple eyes felt like they were burning his skin. “I suggest that you stop being so naive, Saihara-chan. We are in a killing game, trusting people blindly like that is not going to take you on a good path,” he said with a shrug, sitting on Shuichi's bed and patting the mattress for him to sit too, a request that was not ignored.

“I know, it's just... I don't think she would kill someone like that. Yes, of course, she is a murderer, but it doesn’t mean she’s stupid,” he explained, “She knows she is in a killing game. I don't think she would just kill whoever got on her nerves.”

Kokichi let out a nasal laugh. "Sure. I'm pretty sure that if it weren't for the rules of this place, I would be dead already. ” he joked.

"...that-"

"Am I lying?" he smiled mischievously.

"...yeah, maybe not, but even so. Judging someone by talent won't do any good," he replied. "If talent justified things, I would assume that you are the mastermind, Ouma-kun" he joked. "...A-ah, I mean, supreme leader and such. I think it would make sense, but as I said, it's... um..."

"What if I am the mastermind, Saihara-chan?"

It took a few seconds to process that question. Affirmation. He didn't even know more. He felt his chest filling with adrenaline - a sensation he had been used to feeling since he found himself stuck in that “school” - and another sensation. Maybe fear or panic, but he couldn't identify it at the moment. His body acted automatically, moving away on impulse from the shorter, who just laughed at his reaction.

"I'm kidding, Saihara-chan," he said, still laughing. "For someone who trusts everyone, you don't have much faith in me, huh?"

"...sorry, you just scared me." still hesitant, he decided to stay away.

“So now you decide to distrust me, hmmm? What if that was my plan from the start, huh? Hook you up and have you like a puppet on my little finger, play with you and then throw you out, use your intelligence in my super duper mastermind plan? ” he said, his tone between playful and serious. "What would you do, Saihara-chan?"

What would he do? What would he do... What would he do? He had never even thought of a situation like that in the first place. He never stopped to think what it would be like if he was caught in a trap. "...I would try... to ask for help...?" he said, uncertain about his answer.

“Tsk, tsk. This isn't how things work, Saihara-chan. The mastermind wouldn't let you just ask someone for help. ” looked at his nails.

“So... what would you do, Ouma-kun? If you were in the hands of the mastermind, I mean.” he asked.

"What would I do, I wonder?" he hummed to himself, rising from the taller boy's bed. “It's late, Saihara-chan. I think you better go to sleep. ” he smiled, making small leaps to the door.

"See you tomorrow," said Shuichi, more like a murmur.

"Cya!" he waved before leaving the room, leaving Shuichi completely alone in his own thoughts.

.

To say that Kokichi was awkward after last night's conversation was not an incorrect statement. Well, he was always a little weird, but for Shuichi, everyone is weird in their own way. He... was beyond weird. He avoided talking to Shuichi whenever he saw him, avoiding the subject, and saying that he needed to meet someone else. The taller wouldn't get involved in his personal affairs, as much as they seemed to be lies, but he couldn't help feeling a little pain every time he realized he was running away from him.

Perhaps he didn't want their relationship to grow any further. But what connection did they have, anyway? Were they colleagues? Friends? Maybe even lovers? But Shuichi was sure that he felt nothing romantic about him, just, well, carnal. That phrase seemed wrong considering that they were not even eighteen yet. Perhaps their relationship seemed to be forbidden in people's eyes, and that he didn't want to go far with it.

Or maybe, he just didn't want to talk to him anymore. Maybe he never liked it in the first place. Perhaps all the conversations, all the comfort, all the intimate situations that he was involved with were all lies. Created by pity. Maybe he just wanted to play with him, as he had said, and have Shuichi trapped in his hands. Maybe, maybe. There are many "maybes" here.

One of the things he wasn't proud of was his insecurity. From the one he used to have (and admits hw still have today) about looking into the other's eyes to finding the truth (that even after all this, finding the truth hurt. And a lot.). But, another insecurity he had was the social one. Anxiety always attacked him. He bit his lips, felt his dry throat let out stammering words, played with the edges of his blouse, his fingers, even his hair. All this when he finished talking to someone, even if it was a short conversation. He felt that he could have said more, impressed more, anything more.

He thought that he had overcome this insecurity, at least with Kokichi, due to the number of conversations that both had, but now it returned with all its strength. What if he was really just a toy for his personal use? A pawn? What if he secretly hated him and it was all out of pity? What if, what if, what if. Many “what ifs”. Many "maybes". Ah.

He felt like crying with how stupid he was. It seemed silly to cry over something like that, and he knew it. Kokichi wasn't even that close to him for him to be so anxious about their relationship, so why? Why did it seem that his lack of presence created a hole in the middle of his heart? Hahahaha. That was dramatic, haha. It was funny. He should be laughing. Laugh, idiot, stop crying. Swallow the cry, come on. Breathe, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. One two, one-two, one-two. See? It wasn't that hard to stop crying. You can survive without him, don't act like a baby who needs physical contact every two seconds.

Kokichi didn't come to his room that night.

.

Shuichi made a decision. He would confront all of his insecurities, all of his anxiety and all of his negative thoughts, and speak to Kokichi. Not that it would be easy, but it was worth trying. He needed to know what he thought of him, or anything else to alleviate everything that Shuichi was feeling.

And with that decision in mind, he left his room as quietly as he could and went to the other's door, trying not to attract attention from the new student council.

He knocked a few times, waiting in silence for Kokichi to open the door, but nothing. He didn't even hear the sound of clothing moving. Maybe he wasn't inside the room? No, it was very unlikely. With the new student council and all of these security rules, no one had more freedom at night. For someone as small as Kokichi, perhaps, but escaping Gonta was impossible.

He knocked a few more times. Still no answer. Maybe he was sleeping? No, he didn't sleep early. He knew from a fact that Kokichi rarely slept at normal hours; he always stayed up late in the morning in his room. God, but what if he was really asleep? Perhaps Shuichi was interrupting his first good night's sleep in this place. Maybe he was already in his seventh sleep when Shuichi knocked on the door-

The door opened slightly. "Saihara-chan?"

Immediately, the nervousness he was feeling stopped when he saw that Kokichi was normal. Big, violet eyes as energetic as ever, not even an ounce of tiredness. Ah. Perhaps he had exaggerated earlier. “O-Ouma-kun, can I speak to you? Alone," he asked, embarrassed by his exaggerated nervousness from earlier, even if the youngest had no idea of him.

“Hmm~ Saihara-chan wants to be alone in my room so late at night? What does he plan to do with the little old me in the dark? ” he smiled broadly and mischievously, placing his index finger close to his mouth.

“That's not it! A ... but you always come to my room late at night, Ouma-kun... ”he stammered, before shaking his head and returning to focus. “Anyway, this is serious, Ouma-kun. I really need to talk to you. ”

"If you say~" he hummed, before leaving his room and locking the door. Shuichi looked at him confused. "What? You invited me, so let's go to your room. ” he smiled, going down the stairs and going to the other's dorm. "So, don't you want to do the honors?"

Shuichi let out a small “ah, right” before going to his own door, opening it and entering first, the other one following suit. Kokichi sat on the taller's bed, used to this half intimacy. He waited patiently for Shuichi to start speaking, who was still searching for words in his mind to use.

Kokichi looked at his nails impatiently. "God, Saihara-chan, you take too long to speak," he said. “If you're going to just stand there staring at me, I suggest you take a picture. It will last longer, believe me. ”

Shuichi choked slightly on the air, trying to protest, but just dropped his shoulders in withdrawal. He sat down next to the shorter boy, trying to relax. “S-sorry. I just don't know how to say it,” he explained, nervously wiggling his fingers. Kokichi raised an eyebrow, looking at him. "...I wanted to tal ... about us, Ouma-kun." he finally asked, trying to appear as intimate as possible.

Kokichi tilted his head to the side. “What do you mean, ‘we ’? This is vague. Be specific, Saihara-chan!”

"A-ah, it's just..." he stammered, looking away at a random wall. “Um… I wanted to know. About us, in this case,” Kokichi motioned with his hand to continue. "...what... are we...?" he asked hesitantly.

Kokichi blinked, his expression suddenly becoming neutral. Shuichi swallowed, his shoulders again tense to face yet another blank expression. The one he feared most in Kokichi. A blank expression, looking at him as if he was his soul. He opened his mouth to speak, and Shuichi prepared for what was to come. Finally, he would have an answer to his incessant questions that his mind never stopped.

**DING DONG, BING BONG!**

_"A body has been discovered!"_

.

The frustration of being interrupted on such a serious matter comes nowhere near the frustration of not only having one body but two. The shock was plastered on everyone's faces, especially Himiko's - which was more to sadness than surprise, to tell the truth. Something like this had never happened before, and what seemed to be fast earlier was even more so now.

Angie and Tenko are gone, and it's as if no one really cares. Not even Himiko, who just lost her best friend and not-so-secret admirer. At least, that's what he thought.

That was, until Kokichi spoke after the third (wow, we are already in the third) class trial.

Suddenly, it seems that the most hated person in this whole place had just caused everyone a mutual mental breakdown. All the weight, all the deaths, all the sadness, anxiety, fear, despair of this situation just came like a block of concrete from the sky; suddenly, all the emotion they were holding inside just came out at once, and the tears wouldn't stop. Himiko's cry was like an infection, spreading across the huge room, and before he knew it, everyone was in the same situation. Vulnerable, with no way out, without options.

And, between his blurred vision and tears wetting his eyes, he managed to see Kokichi going to the elevator alone, staggering and leaning against the walls.

and he didn't have the courage to follow him.

.

He felt guilty for thinking that, but Korekiyo was the only one who hadn't felt even an ounce of guilt after sending him to his execution. To tell the truth, everything was even better after the day before. Himiko was opening up more, being more energetic, happier. This, coupled with Kaito's optimism, made everything a little happier too.

It got to the point where he was so relaxed that he had forgotten about Kokichi and all the deaths he had caused himself. He was confident that no more murders would take place. No one there was a suspect anymore, after all. Nobody was doing anything weird and considered bad. The only problem for everyone else was to escape from this prison and find the mastermind, now.

Everythign was alright, he reminded himself, before plugging into the virtual reality program.

Having a body processed by a computer was not all bad. It was like he was on his own, just... smaller. Smaller, plumper, and definitely difficult to walk with legs that short. Anyway, he had a mission there: to look for the flashback flashlight. At least, before someone - specifically a certain purple haired boy - found it first.

The snow was not freezing, not even at a normal temperature. It was pleasantly cold, occasionally sending chills down his belly, but it was cozy. The fact that nothing broke in this little world pleased him, too. If nothing could break, no one was in danger. It was that simple.

It was strange not to breathe. His automatic breathing insisted that he needed draw air into his lungs, but nothing came. Although he was certain that his real body was, in fact, still breathing, it was one of the few things about this world that he couldn't get used to. Other than that and some other aspects - especially the occasional glitches - he felt that he could easily adapt to this world. He felt like he could live here, even. Of course, he still wanted to go home, for the comfort of hearing a familiar voice welcoming him, but... while they were in this situation, this place wasn't that bad.

He strolled the map, looking everywhere for that blessed lantern. They couldn't miss another one, not after Angie had broken the last one given to them, and no one was willing to risk losing any more information. As much as everything was quiet now, no one guaranteed them when they would leave. They needed to know as much as possible of everything they had forgotten.

His mind had almost completely forgotten about Kokichi. Every now and then, he was thinking about him again, but it wasn't as bad as before. He felt like he was almost obsessed with the short boy. It's strange to know that he was so hungry for a touch, a human contact, that even the most hated and irritating and mischievous and stupidly mysterious person could bring so much comfort in such a few days.

But, if Kokichi really didn't want to talk to him anymore and was trying hard to avoid him, he wouldn't force it. He would hate to have a forced relationship with someone who he liked so much. A relationship full of lies. Kokichi didn't really matter that much, and he hadn't made a big difference in his emotions when he was really in need of someone, no. Definitely not. He definitely wasn't lying to himself about that, either.

Ah. He was already longing to feel a body glued to his, and he knew it. It wouldn't have to be a hug, maybe just a hand on your shoulder for more than a few seconds would be enough. He couldn't ask that of Kaito, let alone Maki, let alone anyone else... really, Kokichi was practically his obsession now.

Although he would never admit-

**DING**

No.

**DONG**

No, no, no.

**BING**

No no no no

**BONG!**

NONONONONONONONONONONONONONO-

_"A body has been discovered!"_

.

Nothing, nothing could define what he was feeling at the moment. No words, no expressions, no gestures. This was definitely the strongest emotion he had felt since he woke up in the metal locker, and it ran through his veins, burning inside him and bubbling in his stomach.

Hate. A strong hatred for the person in front of him, who laughed as if he were sitting on a throne while his friend burned in flames along with a stupid giant insect.

By the time he saw Miu's body dead, skin in shades of blue and purple, eyes wide in sheer terror, he was already feeling the little flame of hatred lit just then. Something inside him knew very well what had happened, especially after the small dialogue he had with Kokichi before leaving the virtual world.

"Join me." he offered, with a wide smile on his face, and the only thing Shuichi managed to express before turning his back and saying his own name on the phone was disgust.

Digust of someone who was once his comfort. His blanket that protected him from the loneliness he was feeling. Disgust of the person who was once his friend, allowing him to embrace him and seek something to quench his hunger for human contact. Even though he didn't know exactly how it happened, everything, from the dialogue they had last nights and even the way he was avoiding him, gave hints for this moment. They gave hints of Kokichi's villainy.

And yet, his mind didn't want to accept that he wasn't a good person. Just as something insisted on telling him that it was his fault, something else said that he was innocent and should be given a chance. That side fell silent as soon as the class judgment was over, and their hopes of helping the smaller boy was shattered.

It's not like Kokichi wasn't helping his hatred to grow, either. Everything he said seemed ridiculous, provocative nonsense just to make people even angrier, and Shuichi knew he should pay more attention to this detail and investigate, but honestly? He didn't even give a shit. If Kokichi wanted to be the villain, then so be it. He will be the villain. If Kokichi is so cruel as to cry false tears before Gonta walks straight to his death, then Shuichi would be just as cruel.

"You are alone, Ouma-kun," he said, his eyes piercing Kokichi in hate. "And you always will be."

And the neutral expression he was always so afraid of returned to his face, which in seconds dissolved into a mischievous smile, saying even more cruel words before leaving alone towards the elevator.

.

The hatred for Kokichi simply disappeared after the fifth trial.

Kaito, his best friend and Kokichi, his ‘friend with benefits’ were gone. Both on the same day, being taken from him in front of his eyes just like Kaede was. But this time, there was no one else there to support him. There was no one else in his bed, hugging him and comforting him while he cried. Not even a ghost of what had been Kokichi before.

And it hurt.

After all that Kaito said about the shorter boy while they were in the hangar, he couldn't help feeling sorry for the cruel words he had said. And even if he knew that it was not entirely his fault and that Kokichi had done many wrong things, his conscience wouldn't let him forget that he really will always be alone. He died without anyone missing him. Not even Shuichi.

The guilt he seemed to have forgotten days ago came back to him. Maybe if he hadn't said that, maybe if he kept trying, maybe if he had agreed to join him. Ah.

Perhaps if he had accepted, it would be him who would press the button for the hydraulic press to move. It would be him who would crush Kokichi's small body into millions of pieces, and it would be him who would be executed for it.

Or maybe... the one under the hydraulic press would be him instea-

His thoughts were interrupted by a loud explosion just outside his room, causing a loud bang.


End file.
